Updated Script

Sonny Cantalini: “Your applause is so lovely. We're all here today because we are intrigued by the world of queer sex life”


Dylan Kulcher: “Life on the campus of Toronto Metropolitan University is full of excitement with its proximity to downtown amenities like newly renamed Gord Downie Square. As a gay identifying student it would seem to be an ideal location to settle in for a fabulous learning in self-discovery with its newly available LGBTQ2S+ Studies Minor and ample resources for transitioning and questioning students alike.

“But is there something left to be desired? Could the recent Vital Signs report by the Toronto Foundation indicating Toronto is one the loneliest Canadian cities, 37% of residents feeling lonely at least 3 days a week, be in step with a campus that has a reputation as a commuter school? And how does this affect students like me who’s prized admission letter was a ticket to getting a degree at the Rogers Communication Centre just up the street from Church and Wellesley Village?

“At a panel event at the TMU Student Centre “A Chat on Embracing Queer Sex” I spoke to Samantha Defranco the TMU Student co-ordinator for the Centre for Safer Sex and Sexual Violence Support. I asked her about students cheering through Church Street for TMU’s participation in Toronto Pride”


Dylan Kulcher: “I marched in the gay pride parade float last Toronto pride and the turnout wasn't the greatest. Like some of the groups online for the school, you can't exactly see who else is there. Do you think there should be a wider push to mobilize the queer community on campus for a show of representation at Gay Pride?”

Samantha DeFranco: “Absolutely, I have noticed this as well. Typically what we find at TMU, especially because we're largely a commuter school, people don't connect in the same way they don't have community in the same way. And like the queer community here, there's a couple of people that have kind of found each other, but it doesn't feel like there's this mobilized front in the same way that there is at other universities.”


Dylan Kulcher: “It was encouraging to know that Sam was on board with TMU’s commuter school challenges. I asked Sam about the resources available on campus and what the Student Union brings to the community”


Samantha DeFranco: “The Center for Safer Sex and Sexual Violence Support is specifically funded by the Student Union. While every single University in Ontario has to have like a Sexual Violence Prevention and Education Department, which we also have at TMU, which is consent comes first, we are the only student union in Ontario to offer a sexual violence center.

“So having an external body who can still do that same work is really important. We had empowerment pole dancing lessons, and I don't think TMU would fund pole dancing lessons. It's really helpful because they're run by a survivor.”


Dylan Kulcher: “Pole dancing lessons offered for sexual survivors is certainly an advanced idea that overcomes gender based violence in a liberating way. One of my past partners had a traumatic family upbringing coming out as gay and their favorite outlet was to practice pole dance to Britney Spears, when not forcing their family to watch Ellen. But could there be more?”


Samantha DeFranco: “Empowerment Self Defense is so good. It's one of my favorite events. I love it a lot. It's run by Nellies and they come here with trained people. Anybody who has any kind of trauma, you can do self defense in a way that isn't targeted towards any particular body type.”


Dylan Kulcher: “Self Defense programs is definitely above and beyond what is offered at most universities. And what about this “A Chat on “Embracing Queer Sex”? The event coordinator Sonny Cantalini shared their experience speaking to youth at Canadian high schools. Sonny says high schools don’t do enough to prepare students leaving them to find their identities out in post-secondary” 


Sonny Cantalini: “I have been in high schools and middle schools for the last year. And I want to say that like there are such phenomenal, compassionate educators out there. They are not getting enough support. Even when there's administrative support within the school, there's not funding, there's not enough people. Our youth deserve more.”


Dylan Kulcher: “Panelist speaker Eva Bloom who runs the online sex-ed platform “What’s My Body Doing” says her career work reflects oversights she saw getting a degree in Social Psychology. Sonny spoke about her organization It Gets Better Canada. Sonny and Eva say Embracing Queer Sex is assisting in a lack of preparation for queer youths and bridging the gap for a new era in post-secondary education.”

 
Eva Bloom: “If you're going to do a master's in anything I would recommend doing one on sexting. So you get to read a bunch of papers about sexting a bunch of men being like, “it's ruining our youth!” Getting back to a lot of like, abstinence only models, I feel like we have advanced so far in other ways. But yeah, it was really sick, and I feel really grateful.”

Sonny Cantalini: “So It Gets Better Canada is an affiliate of the It Gets Better project. I became involved a couple of years ago, I was active on Tik Tok in the queer education realm. You know, giving encouraging and uplifting messages and that got on the radar if It Gets Better Canada. Post my masters I was hired on as the program coordinator which includes this Embracing Queer Sex campaign. Next year, I’m really hoping that we can expand this campaign. I know that we're talking about potentially working with universities to incorporate this into orientation weeks.”


Dylan Kulcher: “Being someone that had come out as gay in university I can personally relate to Sonny’s plan to expand the campaign into orientation week. My high school only had started positive space groups following my graduation and support was nearly non-existent. While the “Embracing Queer Sex” panel did cover the basics of safe-sex through an endearing trivia segment, the majority the discussion was focused on openly identifying as an adult and interpersonal challenges for the growing number of identifying Gen Z young adults” 


Eva Bloom: “The most recent stat is one in five Gen Z identifies as part of the LGBTQ community. In terms of sex education, with those numbers, if you're not doing sex education that's inclusive, it's not really serving everybody.”

Sonny Cantalini: “These ideas of gender, that are so linked into heterosexuality may not serve you as well. Going to our gender 101 terminology intersectionality, which was coined by Kimberly Crenshaw describes the way that systems of inequality like race, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, ability, and others forms of discrimination intersect to create unique experiences. The identities we have affect the way that we navigate this journey. And the way that we come to different labels and may not come to those labels. The idea that I have a gender identity that is external to me, and then I have a political or social identity as well.”

 
Dylan Kulcher: “While identifying labels might be perceived as some sort of younger generation passe’ism it is the reality of dating in the internet age, not only for LGBTQ2S+ university students but for all people trying to match on the internet. The most helpful segment discussed the need to be self-aware while dating. Eva has honest advice on what is the defining method of interaction for developing young adults”


Sonny Cantalini: “And so often where we go if you're looking for a partner is the internet, which can be a wonderful powerful thing, but also harmful or challenging to our mental health. So just wondering if you have any advice on accessing dating apps?”

Eva Bloom: “Intentionality is really important coming into the process of swiping with an idea of what am I looking for? And also just having a sense of like groundedness in who you are being real and authentic in your profile. I love Laverne Cox said in a recent interview that a first date is a screening not a date. It's a place for you to assess the compatibility of your partner, the partner to assess the compatibility for you.”


Dylan Kulcher: “Sometimes we’re quick to forget that for two years many of us experienced what was an entirely digitalized social environment during COVID-19. As the education system moves closer to banning cellphone use from schools, honest discussions about the harms of online dating platforms is needed as much as healthy informing on them as an inevitability. Commuter school realities at TMU are daunting and finding dates online does suck. Hopefully the new student centre where Sam plans to organize TMU Pride will boldly overcome the city-wide hangover from the Pride-less years of COVD-19 quarantine.” 


Samantha DeFranco: “So they have been building a new like Student Center. Again, a place where students can just go and engage with each other and talk to each other and maybe we can have space for queer students to come and we can go and interact with each other and like get to know each other and talk and say we want this change. This is an issue at our school. This is an issue in our city and go to things like Pride together. I feel like go to Pride at TMU but they don’t go to Pride as TMU students. I want to change that.”
Dylan Kulcher