DATING Tue, 12/21 2:08PM • 40:43 SUMMARY KEYWORDS date, people, dating apps, pandemic, tinder, meet, bumble, apps, swipe, vaccinated, matchmaker, awkward, matchmaking, started, guess, person, picture, online dating, feel, hear SPEAKERS Aneesh, Sarah, Shani, Afua Mfodwo, Drew, Alexandra Clelland, Connor Afua Mfodwo 00:04 With people spending more time online, online dating has become more popular. But what could this look like in a post pandemic world? In this episode, Alexandra Clelland speaks to people who rely on online dating to find love to understand what the future of finding love for look like. My name is Afua Mfodwo, and this is unraveled. Alexandra Clelland 00:37 Oh, um, Hey, I'm Alex. It's nice to kind of meet you. I guess. Connor 00:43 I'm Connor. Nice to meet you, too. Alexandra Clelland 00:46 Um, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself? Connor 00:50 Well, I'm 23. Having a grad I did journalism. graduated in 2018. And now working in legal stuff, and everything. Alexandra Clelland 01:02 Very interesting. I'm also in journalism. So there we go. There's something in common. Okay, that was awkward. Is this really the fate of all the dates that I'm going to be going on now? I mean, now that the pandemic is finally coming to a close, and we're all getting vaccinated, and we can ditch those awkward zoom and FaceTime dates, what does the future of online dating really look like? My name is Alex Clelland. And look, I've been single for a while. It's been around four years now with not much going on in my love life, mostly by choice. But I like to blame nearly two years in a global pandemic for my ongoing dry spell. During the peak of the stay at home order, I eventually caved and downloaded dating apps again. Some people love them. Some people hate them, but it's a great way to match strangers, and people you went to high school with. This piece is going to give you a behind the scenes look at what it's really like to date in this post pandemic world we live in. I wanted to ask some people on dating apps about their thoughts, but first, I had to find some people to match with in order to ask them. Let's take a listen and see how that went. Okay, so this wouldn't be a online dating podcast if I didn't put myself in the hot seat. So right now I am totally candid. I am sitting in my bedroom that is messy and filled with dirty laundry. And I am just opening up Tinder and I am going to scroll and describe to you guys what horrors or niceties I come across. So mostly the demographic here, I'm just outside of the GTA in the suburbs and Durham Region. And I'll tell you right away, I've already seen three people I went to high school with, which is not all that great. I mean, I'm not really looking to go on dating apps and meet people that I already know I don't like from high school. So we're not off to a great start. Um, lots of ads on Tinder now, which I'm not a big fan of. I don't really like seeing ads. When I'm trying to swipe through people. It gets a little annoying, but hey, there's what it is. Up. So Tinder has this new feature where after a few swipes, you get a secret admirer and it says you've got a secret admirer Can you guess which card is theirs and it shows four cards and you get to choose one out of the four. And it'll show you a person who's already liked you or swiped right on you, I guess so I'm going to do the top left. And we have Justin who is 32. It says he's into politics, sports, reading, travel and working out. Which sounds just about like every other guy on the planet. So so far, Justin's not sounding very unique. He's got a sleeve of tattoos backwards snapback ray-bans It's actually not bad looking to be honest with you. He's got blond swoopy hair and a beard. Oh, there's a picture with children and we get to play the classic. Is that his niece and nephew or is he a dad? I'm not sure let's check the bio. Oh, good. There is no bio. It's actually not bad looking. He might get it. Yeah, he's gonna get a swipe right for me. So we matched what's exciting, but to be honest, I'm not the type of person the message first I feel like that's just not my thing. I usually just use dating apps to mindlessly swipe on people. I don't really go out of the way to message them unless they message me and even then I'm really bad at replying so not off to a great start. Um next we have Brian who's 24 and goes to Wilfrid Laurier University. No, not gonna lie. It says Brian's 24 But he looks like he's no older than 18 Which for context I'm also 24 But I mean Should I take the Should I take the risk he looks a little young but I'm going to take takes take a leap of faith and believe that He is 24 So Brian can get a swipe right next we have Bart he's 32 and it does not say what he's into he also has no bio I don't know what this trend is with guys not having BIOS but we are three for three right now and they don't have any BIOS but Bart is holding a glass of whiskey in his first picture wearing a suit so it's giving me very like Damon Salvatore 50 Shades of Grey vibes which I'm kind of into but the no non bio is making me question things. He's cute. He's not bad looking. He's he looks like he's half Asian short black hair a beard. Looks like he dresses well. We've got a picture it looks like he's in Greece or something. It looks like he's trade travel so that's cool. You know barking get a swipe right to something that I found about the tinder algorithm though, is I have my age set. I'm 24. So my limits as far as like age range, just to like expose myself I don't like dating younger guys. It's not really my thing. So like the oldest algo is like I'm 24 So probably like 30 is the oldest I'll go so I have my my Tinder dating age range at 24 to 30. So my age to someone who's 30 But sometimes the algorithm is kind of weird and it shows me guys who are like 45 And I'm like okay, like you're old enough to be my uncle. That's a bit much Um, next we have Tyrrel Tyrell is really good looking okay, but red flag tyrrells Kill Tyrell out first Tyrell is 24 He has interests are grabbing a drink working out athletics, food and sports so pretty generic. Again, surprise, surprise. He does not have a bio just pictures and cut. Okay, here's the red flag tyrrells first picture is him shirtless in the gym. And yes, Tyrell has like an eight pack. He's very good looking. But like I hope his second picture is also him shirtless. His third picture is him with a glass of wine. Next is him in a wedding. him with some girl and like a modeling shoot. So to me this is to me that Tyrrel is very narcissistic. And I feel like just posting your first picture on your bio as like a picture of you. Either shirtless or like for girls even posting like in a bikini as your very first picture. I feel like that's just attention seeking. It's like, oh, look at my body. I know I'm hot. And I don't know, I think there's a difference between competence in like, cockiness and narcissism. So not I mean, I guess the whole point of Tinder really is to judge people based on their looks right? Like that's all you really get is maybe a short bio, a few interests and pictures. So based off of that, it's going to be a no for me. Look, I'll be real with you. I haven't gone on an in person date with someone from a dating app, since well, before the pandemic started. Meeting a random person from a dating app is already awkward enough. But now that there are all these health guidelines and that dreaded Are you vaccinated question? It's more stressful than ever. Even though I've yet to tackle the in person dating game I decided to do the next best thing I took to Tinder, Bumble and hinge are the big three as I like to call them. And I asked people if I could interview them about their love lives in this post COVID world we live in. But first, let me hit you with some numbers. According to The Wall Street Journal dating app saw around a 12% increase in usage during the past year. And according to an April 2020 survey from statistics dating app saw a 31% increase in profiles created during the pandemic in comparison to years before. Statistical also currently estimated that there are 44 million dating app users in the US alone. That's a lot of people. So based on all of this research, I found that the most popular dating app as of right now was Tinder. So I took to the app to see if I could get lucky and find some guys to speak to about their dating experiences. Okay, so most guys thought I was a complete weirdo, but some actually agreed. I took the time to chat with them on the app to make sure that they weren't, you know, serial killers. And then I decided to exchange numbers so I could ask him about the pandemic and meeting strangers during COVID. So hey, there, thank you so much for joining me on my segment today. If you wouldn't mind introducing yourself for everybody. Aneesh 09:31 My name is Anish. I'm a fourth year student at Ryerson. In my final year, studying urban and regional planning. Alexandra Clelland 09:41 This is Aneesh. Turns out he's a fellow Ryerson Student who's in his final year of urban planning. Just to give you a picture, Aneesh is tall, taller than me, which is an accomplishment. He stands at about six foot one with dark hair and dark eyes. He was cute. His photo showed he was into sports, particularly Golf and hockey, and he seemed pretty social. And he's told me he's been using dating apps for most of the pandemic, but hasn't had much luck in finding true love. So I kind of wanted to talk to you today a little bit about online dating. And I've heard that you've kind of had some experience with online dating and using dating apps. So could you kind of just tell me what's going on in your love life right now? Aneesh 10:25 Well, I mean, I should have included this in my little intro, but I'm 21 right now. And so I found with you in the last year with the whole COVID thing. Obviously, it was really hard to, you know, meet people at restaurants, bars, clubs, things like that. So I hopped on a few dating apps to see you know, how it would kind of go, I kind of got the feel that a lot of people, a lot of people were in a similar sort of situation. So yeah, I hopped on the app, and had some success had some, I don't know, if you want to call them failures, but maybe some not so successful encounters. But yeah, it's been interesting to say the least, it wasn't what I was really expecting. Alexandra Clelland 11:11 I mean, I think the big challenge right now is, you know, now that we've kind of gotten over the main COVID hurdle, it's really just going back out there and meeting people. So I mean, how would you feel now about, you know, being vaccinated? And, you know, people are places are opening up again, how do you feel about meeting strangers now that the pandemic has sort of calmed down? Aneesh 11:31 I feel a lot better. I think, personally, I found even you know, with, with the dating apps and whatnot, I find it easier to approach people, you know, in person, and kind of like, you know, shoot my shot face to face rather than, you know, over Tinder or Bumble or any of the other apps. So, I'm very happy that we're back, you know, obviously double vaccinated, where my masculine I have to, so I always feel comfortable when we've gone over the past couple of weeks. So I'm glad that yeah, we are getting back to how it was before. Alexandra Clelland 12:06 I mean, you mentioned that, you know, you've had sort of some success and some failures using dating apps. I don't know if you really want to go into detail about that. But did the the pandemic affect that at all? Or was it pre pandemic? So how did that work? Aneesh 12:20 I just before the pandemic, you know, I never really like prioritized my dating life or anything like that, I was sort of always, I always had the mentality, I, you know, I'll get there eventually. And then with the pandemic, and you know, not being able, I guess, to pursue that, even though I didn't want to, I figured, hey, you know, everyone's in a similar situation, so might as well download the document and see what they're about. And I learned over time, I guess that it was always my assumption that if you're if you have a dating app, your intentions are to find a relationship and meet new people. And I guess I found out over time that not everyone is on these applications for the same reasons as I am. So that was interesting to discover. I guess you can see. Alexandra Clelland 13:19 Yikes. So far, it looks like pandemic dating has been pretty rough, according to poor Aneesh. But hopefully, now that bars are back open, he can meet a girl the old fashioned way. My crusade for dating horror stories continues with Connor. Yep, the one I had that awkward FaceTime date with you just heard at the start of the episode. Somehow I reeled Connor back in and convinced him to chat with me. Connor and I had a FaceTime date way back last year, and he ended up getting a girlfriend so things never really went far with us. However, I noticed that Connor was newly single since we still have each other on Instagram from previous interactions, and I seize the opportunity to have him on the show. For context. To give you another picture, Connor is tall. Seems like I have a type with blue eyes and Shaggy blonde hair. He wears glasses and has a beard. And he's big into sports. Yep, just my type. So tell me a little bit about your your dating life like what's going on in the love life of Connor right now? Connor 14:23 Not much really just started seeing how the days lined me up in the world. And if something comes great if something doesn't, so whatever. Alexandra Clelland 14:34 And have you been using dating apps? Connor 14:38 Oh, yes. Tinder Bumble. I tried hinge but I can't get over the fact that you need six different prompts and six different photos. Alexandra Clelland 14:49 Yeah. Yeah, I have a problem with hinge too, because you can only have like 10 likes a day and I like to just swipe when I'm bored. Like that's what I most use dating apps for. And then after I run out, I'm like, well I can't do anything for the rest of the day. So, I mean, have you had like any any any luck with Tinder? What have you been using it for or Bumble or any other apps? Connor 15:11 Then Susan, it's just to talk to people really just to see if anything could potentially line up, you know, have some conversations here and there, some of them don't go anywhere. Others do lead to like, you know, follows on Instagram, Snapchat, you know, exchanging numbers, obviously, just like, hey, hello, how are you? And you never hear from them again? Alexandra Clelland 15:32 Yeah. And what has it been, like, you know, during the pandemic, with just, you know, things being closed, people staying at home, were you still using dating apps, during the pandemic? Connor 15:43 Well, I was in a relationship until March of this year. So like the worst of the pandemic, I wasn't really using it. And that in itself was sort of weird. Like, even my relationship took a turn on its head there was no longer like, seeing each other often, or having anything to talk about on a day to day basis, because it's like the whole world just came to a stop. Alexandra Clelland 16:08 Right? And so now that things are kind of open back up, and you know, we can go out to restaurants and bars and stuff hasn't changed. Have you gone out and met anybody? Have you got an date? Or is it just sort of the the texting and talking face, Connor 16:21 sort of the testing and talking phase, because I still think there's some level of anxiety, whether it's from my side or other people side, you know, still sort of in that exiting phase of the pandemic, where some people may not feel as comfortable going out and doing things as others do, or they're just not like ready to take that step out again, after like, 18 or so months of not being able to do it? Alexandra Clelland 16:47 Yeah, no, absolutely. I think I've been in that boat too, or just like, you're in the texting and talking phase, but it's like weird to actually go and meet someone at a bar. Now, I think that's such a foreign thing. And I mean, as far as you know, the future of your dating life now that things are opened up, like what do you see happening? Do you think that you're going to be more inclined to go and meet people are just kind of keep it texting and talking? Connor 17:10 I'd be down to go meet people I enjoy going out. I mean, it still feels kind of weird. Just going out on a weekend, because I've spent so many weekends over the last year and a half just kind of like doing nothing. And now it's like, okay, I can go out and do this, I can go meet people still feels kind of awkward to like, go up to someone and introduce yourself at a bar, because you're still gonna go on with the mask and everything. Alexandra Clelland 17:36 I mean, I feel like that's something that was awkward beforehand. But now there's like the extra hurdle of COVID and wearing masks and all that, that it's just it's so nerve racking. Connor 17:46 I don't want to mask fish, people don't want to start off anything. Alexandra Clelland 17:51 I mean, that's definitely a thing. I feel like I'm way cuter when I'm wearing a mask, because like you just get to like, hide all the imperfections. So I mean, I'm glad they're not going anywhere anytime soon. But I think it's still awkward when you're in a bar. And like, it's already so weird to just go up to someone and be like, Hey, I'm Alex, like, nice to meet you. Like, I think that's so awkward and of itself, but then it's also like, are they vaccinated? Or have they been like COVID safe? And there's just so many so many different factors involved now with dating? I mean, I guess since you mentioned isolation, did you find I mean, after your relationship ended? Did you find that you were using dating apps more because of the COVID in the isolation? Or was it the same as before? Connor 18:29 I certainly started using it more, although it felt weird because I spent essentially the last two years with the same person throwing myself back out there and like, hoping that I don't mess it up or anything that like I realized is wrong or getting like ghosted. I put that in air quotes, because I think there's a difference between someone not being interested in someone who didn't really go. Alexandra Clelland 18:54 And I mean, I've seen I've seen both situations where it's just like, completely ghosted for no reason or like, there's just no spark there. So I think both are valid, but like, especially now, it's just people want to get back to normal and just go out and meet people and have a social life because we've been so deprived of that for the past two years. Okay, so far, not so good. After chatting with a few people on dating apps about their love lives, I was starting to lose hope and I kind of gave up. So I posted a call out on social media to see if anyone I knew had a friend of a friend or an acquaintance who got into a relationship during the pandemic, thanks to dating apps. I was eventually connected to Sarah, thanks to social media. Sarah is a 25 year old elementary school teacher in Oshawa. She told me she just got into her first relationship ever. Thanks to Bumble. I was floored and I had so many questions. Sarah 19:47 I mean, at the moment, I have a boyfriend but it's very new. It's about two to three months in the rest of the pandemic. I was I mean, at the beginning of the pandemic, I definitely didn't want to date I was more so concerned about leaving the house. But you know, as restrictions eased, you know that first summer, I think a lot of people were trying to get out and meet new people and interact with others. And yeah, I definitely think myself along with many others, were just eager to get back out. I was pretty nervous. I do have to say, just because I'm pretty hesitant and meeting people offered ops anyways. But during a pandemic, it just added a whole, like, a whole other layer to the situation. Alexandra Clelland 20:43 Absolutely. So did you did you meet your boyfriend on a dating app? Or how did that go down? Fill me in? Sarah 20:49 Um, actually, I met him about four years ago. And we did have a connection then. But I think in the moment, I was just, I wasn't, I was a little scared of commitment. That's fair. That's fair. But we reconnected over the summer. And actually, I'm good friends with his cousin and his cousin's girlfriend. Alexandra Clelland 21:18 Oh, I see. Interesting. And so when you were using dating apps and stuff to meet new people, did you have any luck there? Were there any people that stood out? Or was it just kind of talking and never meeting? Or what was? What was the situation? Sarah 21:30 I mean, I, of course, there I mean, there was a lot of, I guess you can call flirtation chips where you would talk to someone the entire pandemic, and then you would actually never meet them. I did meet a few people one on a few first dates. A lot of them were walks in the park and socially distance, you know, coffee dates, or just going by the lake and going first troll. Alexandra Clelland 22:02 Right? So you kind of kept it, you know, more outdoorsy and more sort of safe because of the COVID situation. Sarah 22:09 Exactly. Alexandra Clelland 22:10 How is your boyfriend been with the whole COVID situation? And this new territory of dating? What's that been? Like? Sarah 22:16 I think he's been pretty fine with it. Um, of course, like, there'll be situations where you're more worried than not, um, for the most part, he seems. seems okay. Alexandra Clelland 22:30 Okay, that's good. That's good. And I mean, what do you see for the future of? I mean, I know it's pretty early, but what do you see what the future of knowing this guy for solar dating? Do you think it's gonna it's gonna last? Do you think it's just a short term thing? Or what do you see happening? Sarah 22:43 I mean, when I date someone, and you know, you make it official, you think of it as this is someone I will probably spend the rest of my life with, or that's at least how I look at it. I'm not going to go and make someone my boyfriend if I'm not completely serious about them. So I definitely think, and we've had this chat many times, like, we definitely think we will be together forever. But I guess you never know what may happen. Alexandra Clelland 23:16 Oh, that's so cute. I mean, that's refreshing to hear. Because I feel like a lot of people just get into relationships for the sake of getting into a relationship without actually like planning for the future. So I guess it's cute that you guys have talked about it? Sarah 23:26 Oh, definitely. We've definitely talked about, like years down the line being married with kids already. If you have different views than someone that obviously it's not going to work out and why waste your time? Alexandra Clelland 23:41 Absolutely. I completely agree. Now, feel free to call me narrow minded or judgy. But I've always held the stigma that dating apps only really lead to casual flings or hookups, dating apps have a bad reputation for that. And after hearing Sarah's story, I was really invested in finding someone else who found love in a hopeless place. Thanks, Rihanna. And I did another social media call Oh. But this time, I really wanted to talk to some guys about how they felt about hookup culture. And what it was like to use dating apps for substance over something more casual. Enter drew a 21 year old student from Ryerson, who told me he was about to go on a third date with a girl drew told me he's never really been a fan of hookup culture and that when he dates a girl, he's in it for the long haul. That was so refreshing to hear and I needed to know more. So tell me a little bit about what's going on in your love life. What's going on in the life of drew right now? Drew 24:39 What's going on in love life? Okay, um, let's just say that we're slowly getting back into like the dating game. You know what I mean? With the help us dating apps, I've, you know, come to be more comfortable dating because went through a pretty rough breakup earlier in the year and I convinced It's not that I wasn't going to, you know, date or fall in love within like, another year or possibly more. I was just really, you know, anxious about the idea of being again. But, you know, a lot of people just told me that, you know, time is the best healer, and they were absolutely right. So I gave myself some time, you know, I focused on myself. And when the time came, aka, a month ago, I was like, hey, why not just jump back on a dating app. So I downloaded the holy trinity of dating apps, Tinder, bumble, and hinge. And sure enough, as we're speaking on, I'm actually preparing for my third day. Alexandra Clelland 25:34 Tell me about that. Drew 25:37 So this is this girl, we met on Bumble. And it's really funny, because if we're talking about like success and numbers, Tinder and hinge were the most successful in terms of making matches. And Bumble was just like a desert, like nothing was happening on the app, until one day we match. And then we just hit up there. So I think that's pretty funny how that worked out. And I'm happy that it worked out. Alexandra Clelland 26:01 Okay. And so you say that you're meeting this girl, and this is the third date is the third date with her just your third date in general with someone? Drew 26:08 This is the third date with her. Okay, so Alexandra Clelland 26:10 then what was it like, you know, meeting her for the first time on the first day, walk me through what happened with the whole, you know, COVID, and expectations, and the nerves walk me through that experience. Drew 26:19 It's funny, you say that, because, you know, meeting her, I didn't really think much of like, the COVID thing, because, you know, I'm double Vax, I've, you know, kept my measures in place, I'm fine. But what really made me nervous was the whole idea of a, you know, being the first date. And what's really funny is that my past two girlfriends, we've never, you know, did an official first date, because the first one was kind of, like started off as, okay, let's see where it goes from here. Whereas the second one, you know, it was during COVID. So it was all online. So, I've never really had a first day, and for her, it was also first like it was her first first date. So we were both going into a kind of blind. You know, there obviously, were moments where it got a little awkward and some awkward silence occurred. But for the most part, like, it went pretty smoothly, you know, she's up to 10 out of 10. And that's definitely good to hear. So yeah, like, nothing really concerned me in terms of like, COVID Obviously, there are things to what like, watch out, you know, you never know, people could be mistakes and like faking their vaccination on these dating apps, because there's really no way to prove it. But other than that, you know, I'm not too concerned. But it's also really good to look out for these things. Alexandra Clelland 27:38 So where do you see the future of your love life going? Do you have any plans for this yet? Is it still too early? What's going on there? Drew 27:46 Man? That's, that's a tough question. Whenever I date, I always go with the mindset. I know, it's kind of like a route to go in with this mindset. But it's like, if you're not dating to married, you're dating to break up. And I'm not the kind of person to, you know, just hop around and like, have one nightstand and hookups and whatnot. Like I'm not really with hookup culture, as tempting as and as like, you know, euphoric it sounds, but I'm just the kind of person you know, get with a partner settle down, you know, spend a good time with them. And even this, I'm not like there for a long time. Like, I'm always here for a good time. And, you know, ultimately, I do want to find the one that I can, you know, spend my spend the rest of my life with, build a family, you know, then be my family. I mean, there's, you know, grow old together, as sweet as it sounds and as cheesy sounds, but that's ultimately like my goal, obviously, you know, there's many there's plenty of fish in the sea, and, you know, a lot of them are gonna bite on your bait when you cast it. That's kind of like a really cheesy and corny analogy to give. But yeah, there's gonna be tons of people that you meet in your life and you know, not everyone's going to be for you. And that's totally okay. Like, I've learned, I've learned that you know, twice. Both the hard way. And yeah, like what I just go into it. I just think you know, if this is the one this is the one if it isn't it is we move on. Alexandra Clelland 29:16 So, maybe there is a light at the end of this never ending tunnel. But talking to these strangers on social media and dating apps just isn't enough for me to get the full scope of the online dating scene. It's time to bring in the big guns. Shannon teb, who prefers to go by Shani is a renowned matchmaker in Toronto. Yep. Matchmaking is a thing. Her company Shani, in the city is known for having a roster of dozens of singles in the GTA and Shani handpicks matches from her roster based on compatibility, looks, goals, and everything else that people list in their profiles. Now I'll be real with you guys. I honestly thought matter matchmaking was a thing back in like Shakespearean times. I didn't think it was a modern thing beyond swiping on strangers on your smartphone. This whole realm of paid matchmakers was so new to me and I had so much to ask Shani about matchmaking itself, and what it's been like setting people up during the pandemic. Shani 30:19 So as a dating coach, I coached a lot of singles over the years. And then I also started, like, singles social events. So that's where I kind of I brought everybody together. And then from there, I had this huge network of singles. So that's when I moved into matchmaking. Alexandra Clelland 30:35 So I guess it now that things are starting to be more in person, thanks to COVID. I mean, how is COVID-19 sort of changed the matchmaking game? Is there been any challenges there? Shani 30:46 Well, the thing is, what I would say as a matchmaker is people are definitely more picky than they were before. I think people had time to sit with themselves and assess what's really important to them and the type of partner they're looking for. So now they're kind of not settling or they're not just going out there and meeting for like a tinder drank, or, you know, going online and just meeting some random for a beer, it's more about being a little more intentional with their time and strategic with who they're meeting in person. And if this person, you know, is it's going to be someone worthwhile for them. So they're a little more selective with just saying Yes, right away to a date. Alexandra Clelland 31:23 Right. And so then what's the difference between you know, going and actually meeting a matchmaker and having that specific goal and just sort of meaning a random on Tinder? Is there kind of a different expectation there with people? Shani 31:33 Well, yeah, because as a matchmaker, I'm screening everybody. So there's that level of trust. You know, these are paying members, so they're invested in the service. With online dating, people aren't really paying for it. So it's kind of like a gamble. There's no real commitment. But with matchmaking, people are, you know, making that investment into their life. So people tend to take it more serious. Alexandra Clelland 31:56 And so then, I guess, since people are taking it more seriously, I mean, I think that now that, you know, healthcare regulations are allowing us to sort of go out and meet people again, how is the dating game in Toronto sort of change now that, you know, people are vaccinated and people are getting back out there? Shani 32:12 Well, also, and the thing with vaccinations is, you know, a lot of people, there is a break of like, a breakdown between the non vaxxers in the Vaxxer. So a lot of my clients are vaccinated, so they're always like, make sure you match me with someone who's vaccinated. So there's that type of discussion to have before the date as well, even if you're meeting someone online, or organically, I think that's good to get that out of the open before, you have a disappointing date where you can't get on a patio because he doesn't want to wear a mask or vice versa. So that's one situation to think about with dating again. But yeah, I think people are more comfortable going into restaurants, again, having dinner together, they're supporting restaurants, you know, still still the activity dates are fun. But as the weather gets cooler, people are going to be doing more stuff like going to movies or going to events to get, you know, batting cages, anything indoors is now going to be a little more acceptable. And I think people are getting more comfortable with that. Alexandra Clelland 33:13 Um, and as far as I guess, clientele too, I mean, are these sort of people that are more socially awkward, or are they just busy people are? Shani 33:19 That's kind of a myth. Yeah. Like, I mean, I think before like everyone would think Oh, matchmakers like it's all like ugly, socially, awkward, weird people. And if anything is the opposite, it's people that are just really busy, like busy professionals that want confidentiality, they don't want to be online and exposed. And yeah, they don't have time to do all that, like messaging and swiping, it's just very transactional for them. So instead, it's like, we have experts in all areas of our lives, right, like personal trainers, you know, someone to help with financing or interior design. So why not think about matters of the heart, like your dating lifestyle, and I know a lot of singles I work with have kind of put that on hold for a while. And I work with a lot of like, women in their 30s that are like, Oh my god, Shani, I thought it would meet somebody by now and it didn't happen organically. So, you know, help me I want to have kids, I want to find somebody, I want to share my life with someone. So there is that like, you know, intention to get things moving. And that's where I come in. So basically, I manage your dating lifestyle. Like I'm doing all the work behind the scenes. Sure. Alexandra Clelland 34:27 So I mean, I guess the one thing I think I'm really curious about just from, I guess, a knowledge perspective, is I guess, after the initial consultation when someone becomes your client, like how do you get started with finding someone that might be right for them? Like, what's the process of finding a match? Shani 34:43 Oh, I just look at my database and read all the profiles and that and and then I share profile. So the, the, you know, I swap the BIOS at the same time. If it's both a yes. Then they go ahead on an introduction. If one person says no, then I have to I have to start over and find them a new match. Alexandra Clelland 35:02 And so if you do find the match, are you the one who sets up the date? Or do they kind of communicate and set that up themselves? Shani 35:08 I kind of let the gentleman do that himself. Because I'm super busy with other stuff. Like it's, I'm not like a dating concierge, but I can definitely, you know, if somebody's like, hey, I want to go to take her to Yorkville. What are some restaurants you recommend there? I know the city well, so I can, I can definitely assist with like, where to go and what to do. But a lot of times guys have good ideas, and they kind of do the date planning on their own. Alexandra Clelland 35:32 I'm gonna guess just my I, you've given me a lot of really interesting information, I find all this stuff really fascinating. I didn't I didn't know that much about it until now. So now I'm just I'm so interested in all of it. It is I honestly didn't even know it was a thing in Toronto, because I just I just thought that most people rely on like, Tinder and Bumble and yeah, and all that stuff. I didn't know that there was such a specific and personalized dating option out there. Shani 35:56 It's getting really, it's getting more and more popular. And I think especially during COVID When people were trying the online thing and that didn't work, then they started sourcing out matchmakers even more like I had, I was very busy, you know, these past two years. And now it's like crazy again, like people are really starting to, you know, get out there and wanting to meet people. But even during COVID People still required human connection. And even if they were connecting virtually, with somebody, like through FaceTime, or zoom, or like, you know, I was coaching people on how to land a second virtual date. Like how to make the first virtual date really fun, and like playing music and like light a candle and meet for happy hour. Just make it a little more fun, right? Not just like, Oh, hi. Alexandra Clelland 36:39 I mean, I feel like especially after COVID hit I think the first few months, a lot of people sort of felt that isolation and that like loneliness kind of start to hit. So did you find that you started to have more clients after that sort of isolation period started to set in? Shani 36:55 I feel like people were still quiet. I think people really started to look for more coaching when honestly, I actually I would say like now like when things are starting to open up, they've been so socially awkward for so long, like by themselves that now they're needing, almost like the read the re like to go over, like, what do I talk about on a date? Like, you know, all that stuff? Date communication, keeping momentum, the initial approach, how do I, you know, go up to somebody I like, so people were feeling Rusty with all that because they were unsocialized. So, if anything, I felt like the coach like right now the coaching is crazy. Like I'm dating coach, I'm selling packages for dating coaching. I'm meeting client, like I have a in person meeting today. We're doing like a mock date. So pretending we're actually on a date. And how does that look? And what are we talking about? And teaching him like how to show up on a date? Alexandra Clelland 37:50 Oh, that's so interesting. The mock date that's so interesting. So do you actually, like set up like a pretend date with some clients and actually, like, walk through? How to how to Shani 37:59 Yeah, well, I'm going to pretend I'm his date today. So it's like just me and him in my office. And we're just going to create a scenario like rod restaurant or I'm walking in, like from this step that like the date starts till the end. So just just go over that. The most important part I think, is deep conversation and being able to really connect with your date and may not make it feel like it's an interview. So a lot of people struggle with that. They're like Shani, I don't know. Like, I just don't know how to really connect with somebody or, you know, I'm asking them about all these things. But in the end, they're just like, not wanting to see me again. So I. So when they come to me, I'm able to assess everything. Like maybe it's their image, maybe they need like to fix their eyebrows or get a haircut, like maybe it's little things like that. That's tweaking, that's going to make them show up and feel more presentable. So I look from the inside out. And when I do my dating coaching, it sounds funny, but I don't even prepare for it. Like I just go into the meeting, and they talk. And I coach on the spot, because that's the most authentic way to really help them. And I don't, I don't want to prepare something that they may not discuss. So really, it's just about listening to the client and what what their struggles are, and dig deeper and pull all that out. Alexandra Clelland 39:19 Well, there you have it. After hearing some pretty mixed reviews and feelings about dating apps in our very complicated post COVID Dating environment. I think I'm ready to take the plunge and set myself up on my first in person date in nearly two years. I mean, I'm already biting my nails in anticipation and kind of freaking out about the idea but that's a tale for another day. And maybe the future forecasts from my love life isn't so hopeless now that I've heard all these different perspectives on the issue. Afua Mfodwo 40:04 This episode of unraveled was produced by Alexandra Clelland. I'm your host Afua Mfodwo. Our associate producer is Talha Hashmani and our executive producer is Elena De Luigi. Special thanks to John Powers for composing our theme music, and Ben Shelley for creating our podcast artwork. Our professor is Amanda Cupido and special thanks to Lindsay Hanna and Angela Glover. - 1 - 00Transcribed by https://otter.ai