Unknown Speaker 0:00 Have you ever stolen your boyfriend sweater? Or seen that friend you don't talk to anymore, wearing the jeans that you thought you lost years ago? That's what this episode is all about. Join Mia Maaytah as she shares the stories of people in different places in their lives, who have different meanings for artifacts of their past. This is Same Difference. And just a heads up. This episode does have explicit content. Unknown Speaker 0:33 During their life, humans collect tangible memories, the belongings of someone else somehow finding their way into your closet, your dresser, resting underneath your bed, unnoticed and covered in dust. From lovers, to friends, to family members who have passed on. Our fast paced society makes us question what to do with these things? Do we Marie Kondo our lives and rid of those that no longer bring us joy? Do we wallow in our remembrances and keep them as objects of sentiment? Or do we simply allow them to become ours and place them back in our drawer without any feeling at all? Unknown Speaker 1:32 Some people are simple souls, belongings come and go. They're mildly treasured, mildly valuable. Their existence not swaying in one direction or another, but left unbothered and allowed. They hold on to it. Whatever it is, even when they're thankful its original owner is long gone. A 24 year old named Andrew Velella lays across to me on a couch in his parents basement. He has a fluffy brown beard that connects to his bold mustache. He wears a baseball cap and cracks his back before beginning the story he calls Halloween's delight. Unknown Speaker 2:10 Couple years ago, my friends and I, we lived in a condo in Waterloo. We had a three bedroom apartment gonna fit 25 people max in the in the place for a party. So that's what we did. Through Halloween banger. We decorated we even painted the walls with red paint, which was kind of not allowed, but we did it anyways. Caution tape, cobwebs, the whole shebang. You named it. We all dressed up my roommates and I decided to be cops. One was a bad cop. I was the good cop. And we just played along like that all night. my other friend who doesn't live with us has a friend and she was there. For Halloween, she was a groupie for a rock band, ACDC. And I don't know she used to always flirt with me small talk, whatever. I kind of knew, but like didn't really react to it much at the time. But then at the party, everyone's saying just kind of down free. I'm like, I'll take that. So whatever. Played a cool small talk every now and then casual. Hey, how are you? What are you drinking? Rum and coke, you know, just small talk. And then eventually she went in for a kiss. Really random didn't expect it. And wow, good for her. Unknown Speaker 3:26 Andrew smiles as he reminisces. Beside him his phone buzzes and he checks it as he tells the story. He tells me that usually you can tell how a night will pan out. But this night was far from what he expected. Unknown Speaker 3:50 For some reason, she ended up following me into my bedroom while I was like grabbing something. So I'm in my bedroom now. She closes the door locks it. Next thing you know it becomes a hookup. Clothes everywhere. Her whole outfit off. The party was about to end anyways. But she decided that she wanted to stay the night. I was like whatever I have a queen size but it worked out. Mid hookup she kept getting phone calls. And she's like, Oh, just just my phone, whatever. I'll turn it off. But then she decided to answer it. She ended up having like a 45 minute conversation with one of her friends about what she's doing mid mid hook up. Who does that? I ended up just falling asleep because I was so drunk and tired. And the next thing you know is morning and she's like, okay, gotta go. And she left in such a hurry. I'm pretty sure she had work. She even said thanks for a great night. So I'm assuming the she had a good night. She said let's do it again sometime. I'm like, probably not. But I said okay, see, I didn't even get her number. don't even remember her last name. But uh, yeah. Now I own an ACDC shirt. Not only this shirt is cool and it's worth money now, I don't know how this girl got it but was black and there's an autograph on the right side of it by one of the lead singers. I'm pretty sure it could be worth a lot of money one day. But it reminds me of what a bad night that was and why I will never call that girl in my life. But here I am with a really cool ACDC shirt that I wear sometimes. One of her friends that's actually my best friend. She said, Isn't that what's your face's shirt? I go, is it? And now it's my shirt. So who really cares? Unknown Speaker 5:55 Other people find physical memories bittersweet. Intimate moments are treasured, yet keeping someone's belongings feels heavy, and they tend to serve only as a constant reminder of the situation. Jennifer Anjonie sits across from me in her car, one hand holding a Starbucks coffee and the other topping the steering wheel. many months ago, Jenna broke up with her now ex boyfriend Gabe. Her mantra has been out of sight, out of mind. Unknown Speaker 6:28 So he was basically an asshole. He treated me like shit. It was a very toxic relationship. A lot of gaslighting. I just I couldn't do any more like for we were dating for like a year and a half. And, like halfway through it, he just like changed. And like I guess it's like his true self. This true self is an asshole. Unknown Speaker 6:48 Jenna wiggles beside me. Her once open hand now makes a fist. Her window continuously rolls up and down as she smokes. Up until their one year anniversary, Jenna said that if a stranger asked she would have described the relationship as trusting, loving, ultimately perfect. Yet, after hitting the one year mark, she says he completely changed. Unknown Speaker 7:15 All of his friends were like Gabe, you're way, way too young to be in like a serious relationship. Like you got to like live your life, like hook up with girls like you can't be like in a serious, committed relationship. And then he started just like acting really, like really shady like he would go to other girls houses and like, in the hot tub, you would find like, Oh, she has a boyfriend. And then when I would tell someone he'd be like, Whoa, why are you spending lives but I'm like, that's what you told me. And then he started getting pissed. And he was like, Oh my God, you're so like, so dramatic. You give me so much stress. And like literally after that it was downhill. Unknown Speaker 7:50 Jenna explains that once the relationship began to decay, they both agreed on taking a three week break. During this time, Gabe assumed Jenna would come running back. Yet she realized something else. Unknown Speaker 8:04 I was obsessed with him. Like, I need him. I need him to live like I cannot, like breathe without him. That's how I like felt like the first year. After the break, I'm like, Oh my God. I don't have to like shut up because I'm like with him. I don't have to make him happy. Like, you know, I can actually live without him and be happy because I'm not happy right now. You would always say like, You're like a fish on a hook. Asshole. Fucking asshole. When we decided to talk, I'm like, yeah, you treat me like an asshole. I don't deserve this. I deserve so much better than what you're offering me in this relationship. And I decided to like cut it off right then and there. Fuck him. Unknown Speaker 8:46 Jenna told me that although it was her first relationship, she quickly learned the tactics to work through the symptoms of heartbreak. Unknown Speaker 8:53 You need to distract yourself when you're going through a breakup, like you cannot be alone. Like the first week. I'm like, I would ignore all my texts and like my calls my friends, my bro, like, leave me alone. Like I need to be like, by myself, like in my bed constantly. Like that's so toxic. And my friends are like they would be knocking on my door like Jenna, get the fuck out of your bed. Like we're doing stuff. It would be fun because I would have them in the day to like, we would do fun things and like, Gabe would not be on my mind. But the second I would like be at home and like I would see the stuff that like was his like sweaters like yes, he would got me I would be back in my feels. So I'm like, the only way the only way to stop these feelings is to get rid of it. So he got this sweater when he went to London, his trip to London and it was one of his favourite sweaters because I remember when I first took it he was like I'm gonna need this back. This is like my favorite sweater like even before how do you would wear it on like the daily so like when I think of Gabe I think of that sweater like our first day he was wearing it. And like even now I get like mushy because oh my god like it was it was his favourite sweater and then it was like my thing that just reminded me of him. Like it made me feel safe. It smelled like him. So I did not wash it for like two weeks because like it still had the faint smell of like his like Cologne and like, oh my god over me so much like, like warmth and like coziness. I'm like this is this is love. Like this sweatshirt like was love for me. For 10 months, like I was sleeping in that sweater. And then like me, oh my god, I have to get rid of it. I can't even look at it. I can't even like think of it in my closet. Because it just reminds me of like the person I wanted him to be. And like he couldn't, he couldn't be that person anymore. So I fucking threw that shit in the garbage. And I cried. I did cry. I hate to say it. But yeah, and like getting rid of it, it was hard because I was throwing away all those good memories I've had with him. But I just had to remember like this other person he could be for me. It doesn't matter that like I got rid of like the physical things like the gifts he got me the sweaters, right? I still like little things remind me of him. And it's, it's heartbreaking. I'm thankful that I've like grown. Like that's cliche, but it's true. I think I'm over him but deep down like I'm not he was my first love. My literally, my first everything and like, you can't forget that. And it's so hard, like I've tried so many times. And like you can't. You can never forget something like that. With time my heart will heal. Unknown Speaker 11:37 Whether the feelings are bitter or not, holding on to these belongings can feel like an immortalization of the person who originally owned them. They can be the idle, gentle reminder of everything that person embodied. Unknown Speaker 11:53 I was the firstborn. So my mother relied on me mostly to be her interpreter because she was from Italy. And in this country here you have to speak English. So my siblings and I, but mostly me, had to be the interpreter for her when we went to the grocery store or when we met with teachers. And so yeah, we had to do a lot of her communicating. She was very timid and very uncomfortable speaking the language so we have to step up and kind of like be that for the interpreter. The voice. Unknown Speaker 12:38 Lorana Rossi sits across from me swiveling in the chair placed in the middle of her home office. Her dark brown hair is falling out of a loose ponytail. And her dainty fingers play with its frayed ends. Unknown Speaker 12:53 As I started coming of age, maybe 14 or 15, I started to start to change a little bit. You know, I started getting boyfriends and hanging around with boys and she was cool with that. But then sometimes we butted heads. Well actually, we butted heads a lot because I found that she was kind of I didn't really kind of wanted her to be more strict, and maybe put her foot down a lot more because she was kind of like a pushover in many people's eyes. So we butted heads and I felt like I had to take over and be the, be the mom figure a lot for my siblings. So I protected them from a lot of stuff that was happening around. Well, not a lot of stuff just a lot of chaos, a lot of chaos. We grew up with a lot of partying and alcoholism and noise and music. And then sometimes it was very quiet. That's how I grew up with her. Unknown Speaker 14:08 The now 51 year old takes a long breath and peers out the window. On January 31, 2018, her mother passed away from a battle with lung cancer. Unknown Speaker 14:22 I was in shock even though I expected it. And then, you know, like I always say death is just a word until you live it. She was my friend. I called her every day we spoke on the phone. So I miss her. She's my she was my friend. But these things have to happen I guess. That's what makes us grow. And through death and through acceptance and all that stuff you move on. Unknown Speaker 15:05 Lorana opens her dresser, showing me where her mother's jewelry now resides. Though All I see are red and white boxes at the back of the drawer. Unknown Speaker 15:15 T he verysame day that she passed away, my siblings and I decided to go to her place and clear out all her belongings because my brother still live there and we thought that was the best thing to do is just like start going through everything and then we came across her jewelry and it's not expensive jewelry was costume jewelry, but she wore her earrings with her necklaces, and they all matched. So cute. Unknown Speaker 15:54 I really can't look at that stuff still because she would also give my niece a lot of the jewelry. She would think about her everywhere she went and pick up you know an item and put it in a cute little velvet pouch. That's how she kept everything separated, nice and organized was cute in her way. She was like my organized but she was organized in her own way and it was cute. Unknown Speaker 16:27 She makes herself tiny in the chair she sits in. Her knees are bent towards her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs. She stares out the window again, her eyes glossy from the tears. I asked her how she deals with the pain of losing somebody she loved. Unknown Speaker 16:49 I try not to well, because it's my mother, I don't know if it's anybody else would do this. But I don't look at any of her pictures or her stuff right now because it's still too hard. So hopefully one day I'll be able to go through everything and but everybody grieves differently. There's some people who constantly look at pictures and go through everything just to feel their presence but I can't. But that's my advice is just log in when you're ready. Maybe you can, you know, take some time to separate yourself from it. I know that it's in my house and it's close to me. So if ever I need to go there I will. And that'll bring her closer to me. Unknown Speaker 17:49 Our fast paced society can make it difficult to decide how to feel about holding on to something from the past. How are you supposed to know what to do when it comes to affairs of the heart? Do you simply let them go or place them back in your drawer where they now belong? At the end of the day, it's your choice. Whether you're the one lying down on the couch in the basement, the one fidgeting in the driver's seat of a car, or the one timidly swiveling in an office chair, your feelings are your feelings and however you choose to deal with them is just right. Unknown Speaker 18:30 Super interesting content there, Mia. And so much that's so relatable. That was me and Mia Maaytah with episode nine. And huge thanks to our executive producer Emily Morantz, associate producer Manuela Vega, artwork by Ben Shelley, theme music composed by John Powers. I've been your host Gracie Brison. And last but not least shout out Amanda Cupido your boyfriend's favorite hoodie. And remember, fitting in is overrated.